It was the middle of the night, approximately 3:00 AM. I laid in his bed, unable to sleep. He noticed, wrapped his arm around me, and pulled me against him. “Go to sleep,” he mumbled. I rolled my eyes in response, only to have him pull my face against his lips. Something was bothering him; he was holding something back.
Him: I’m not the type to fall in love.
Me: Neither am I.
This was the routine; feelings were not permitted, as this was only a one-night stand. However, he was taken aback from my response, becoming interested. We began to talk for hours, sharing stories of our personal experiences, which ended with us falling asleep to each other’s voices.
I felt the sunlight creep across my face, in the morning; I turned my head to see him sleeping, running my thumb across his lips and finger across his cheek. So, this is the bad-boy with the “asshole” reputation; a deceptive character, he is. I saw the real side of him; I got to know the boy I’ve been infatuated with since the first grade, something I thought would never happen.
I gazed at him, feeling like the luckiest girl in the world. I got him, right by my side. After a couple minutes, he suddenly awoken and his eyes met with mine. “Creep,” he stated. I shoved him lightly, and laughed. We ended up rolling around the bed, playfully fighting, until our hands touched and fingers interlocked. “Stop staring,” he demanded with a smirk. I kissed him and responded, “I’m going home.”
I’m not one to admit defeat. We both play games; in this case, the same one. We’re similar; two lost people just hoping to be found.
One-night stands are meant to be forgotten, but this one was worth remembering. It was “wrong,” I know. Yet, it felt so right deep down. I think I’m sure I fell in love with him.
Remember being a child and setting so many goals? What were those goals? Think back, refresh your memory, and retain those goals.
Just because reality got in the way, bringing a few hardships, doesn’t mean they’re unobtainable; it’ll just take some extra effort. Don’t lose yourself; take a stand and fight for what you believe in.
I’ve never verbally expressed my insecurities, especially my physical insecurities. There is no essence to complaining. I’ve never felt comfortable talking about them. Don’t like something? Do something about it; that’s how it’s always been. I’m not a fan of evoking pity.
It was different tonight; all that I have been bottling up inside of me spilt out of my mouth. Stephy (@SoooStephanie), I can’t emphasize how much of a good friend you are. I never feel confined when I talk to you; whether we’re being crazy and wild, or serious and hearty, I’m always comfortable. You were the first person that I was able to share my vulnerability with; I wasn’t afraid to hold back.
The effort that you put into this friendship… You have no idea how much I appreciate it. Thank you for everything; I love you.
Self-hate never ceased, I guess. The question has always been: How can you love someone that you hate? You can’t, but rather accept them. However, will acceptance induce happiness?
Without change, there is no way that I will ever love myself. I’m determined to become a better person; the person that I want to be, physically and mentally. This means discipline; I must sacrifice, in order to get where I want to be. Am I ready? I’m not sure, but I’m motivated. Only time will tell, right? Til’ then.
This is why I have so much love for this specific ex-boyfriend. No matter how much time we spend apart from each other and how many arguments we get into, he’s always there for me. He’s always there to listen, to hear me cry, and to give me that push that I need to get back up. Damn, he even has the power to turn our good-going-bad conversations to the biggest-tear-jerking-kick-ass conversations. It’s so easy to spill out my thoughts and feelings to him; although he may judge me at times, I know it’s only out of love and care.
I know, I know. “It’s just another regular day,” right? Wrong. I really hope you enjoyed today, regardless if it wasn’t anything spectacular.
You’re the closest person to me, case closed. You’ve been there for me through thick and thin, for who knows how long. I’ve known you since we were tad-bitty-toddlers (just kidding, sorta). You’ve seen me at my worst, along with my best. I love you, and you’re more than just a best friend, or a sister, to me. You’re so much more than that; there’s no word to label, or define, our relationship with.
Honestly, I could write a whole series of books about you. But I’ll be honest; I’m way too lazy for that, and I guarantee you’d tr0ll-da-fux out of me for the rest of my life. So because I’m super exhausted from today, I’ll continue writing about you another time. Just know… At the end of the day, you’re one of the most important people to me; you’re thicker than blood.
This is Melissa Phung. She’s like a sister to me. I tell her everything and she does the same. Even though she can be the biggest pain in my ass when it comes to planning things, I still love this girl to death. Currently sleeping over her house tonight and I must say I love how we can just sit and talk for hours and hours about nothing. Just feels nice to have someone I can talk to about anything I want and she won’t judge me for it. We haven’t been as close as my other friends but I feel like she’s been there just as much as they were. She’s an amazing person and I don’t care what anyone has to say.
Of all the pictures we have together, you picked this one?! Anyway, it’s weird how we met five years ago, never expecting to become this close. We were just acquaintances, with those, occasional, once-in-awhile MySpace conversations about making plans together. It never happened though, until June of 2009. Somehow we managed to form a sister-ship throughout these past three years.
I like the relationship we have. We can have serious conversations one minute, and be super goofy the next. We don’t always have to talk to each other; our time consist of silence mainly, and surprisingly, it’s not awkward at all. You’re always there for me, and you know I’m always here for you. You don’t judge me, and I’ll never judge you. I like how open-minded and positive you are.
Whenever we’re together, all my stress disappears. We’re always laughing, even when we’re talking about things that make us mad, and/or sad. These past couple of weeks have been hard because I’ve been hitting another low, but spending today with you, along with tonight, has really brightened things up. Good laughs, good vibes, and just… A good time. You’re awesome, dude; and I love you, Seastar. However, you’re still an idiot-loving-sack-of-Cinderella-skimpy-costume-wearing-piece-of-chicken. Ha ha ha!
Why don’t we have any decent pictures together? That’s going on our list of To-Do’s! Anyhow, I’m not sure how we became this close. It took us many of those, “We need to hang out sometime!” conversions. I’m glad that we did, in the end. We haven’t known each other long, but I still view you as a close friend.
You know… You’re probably the only person who actually calls me, with no motive. You check up on me; if things aren’t okay, you’re there to listen. No matter how stupid and embarrassing my issues are, you never judge me. You don’t give up when it comes to trying to make me feel better.
At first, I feared of us becoming too close. I guess over time, I lost faith in having relationships with people; everyone close to me always seemed to drift, or just left me. It’s my own fault; you know how bad I am at keeping in touch with people, and sticking with my plans. I’m a hermit, sue me.
I don’t think I’ve met anyone as caring, crazy, friendly, open-minded, and social, as you. Thanks. It’s easy to open up to you; I don’t have to worry about retaliations when it comes to you. You, simply, accept me for me. Hell, you even join me in my own mayhem! (Haha, Damn. The shit we do together)… I truly do value our friendship, and I hope we remain friends for a lifetime. Only time will tell, right?
P.S. Thanks for always being there for me these past few days. I’ve been hitting another low; with you helping me through it, I’m feeling quite balanced right now.
Lie to her. If she understands syntax, she will understand your need to lie. Behind words are other things: motivation, value, nuance, dialogue. It will not be the end of the world. Fail her. Because a girl who reads knows that failure always leads up to the climax. Because girls who understand that all things will come to end. That you can always write a sequel. That you can begin again and again and still be the hero. That life is meant to have a villain or two.
